Saturday, October 26, 2013

Ask Helaine: When I find a negative atmosphere in a milonga . . .

Today’s question comes from a European tanguera:

Dear Helaine,

Do you have any advice on how to not allow a negative atmosphere in a milonga to influence me? I often encounter people who are in a bad mood, and critical. Unfortunately, I'm overly sensitive and don't really know how to handle it except to internalize these energies! 

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Great question, tanguera!  I've heard something similar from a tanguero in your city, and I'm sure that in tango communities around the world city people experience some nights like this.  

YES!  I do have advice for you . . . valid for men and women alike. 

Whenever there are negative influences in an environment, because of the Universal “Law of Polarity" there are equally positive influences in the same environment.  Actually, if you were to look for, give your attention to, enjoy and appreciate the POSITIVE factors in the room, there would still be negative influences present, but you wouldn't even notice them.  Your own vibration would only attract the positive to your experience.

The two main human emotions - polar opposites of each other - are LOVE and FEAR.

All other negative emotions stem from Fear, and all other positive emotions stem from Love.  

Here's an example.  A person who goes around life with a positive vibration can walk through a "dangerous neighborhood" and only experience calm and wellbeing.  There can be a killer in the crowd, and maybe a crime about to happen, but your paths will never interconnect because you are not a vibrational match for each other.  I was warned about crime and danger in Buenos Aires, told to turn on the alarm system when I was alone in the apartment, but I thought that was so silly.  I knew I could not attract crime, because my positive vibration is so strong.  (I learned this from Abraham-Hicks, and it feels absolutely true!)

When you are feeling happy, you are basking in the Universe's love.  That love is there for your 24/7.  You can open yourself up to it at any moment that you recognize you have slipped out of it.  Every morning when I open my eyes, the first thing I do is say "Good Morning!" to Source Energy.  If I wake up in a bad mood because I am worried about something, I shift my focus and say, "Please let me feel Your love".  But the love is already there, and I know it's my job to receive it.  So I try to open my mind, heart and body to feel Universal love flowing to me, and soon my arms, legs and torso are tingling inside with flowing energy - a very delicious feeling.  Nothing bad can influence us when we are in that state.  That's how I start every day, and I do my best to come back to it quickly when I catch myself in fear-based emotions.

I have learned to enjoy every milonga, effortlessly, and so can you.  In my case it may happen, especially outside of Buenos Aires, that I don't see tangueros with whom I want very much to dance, or sometimes the music may not be so great.  But I always have a good time because there are so many wonderful things to focus on:  A couple dancing like they're in love.  A beautiful expression on someone's face.  A woman in a short skirt who has beautiful legs.  Dance partners laughing together as they dance.  Someone interpreting the music with feeling.  Good friends hugging each other when they say hello.  Nice lighting in the room.  And on and on and on.  

There's no end to the delightful things you can discover in almost any environment. 

We can learn lessons from some extreme examples of this principle.  You can read some exerpts from the memoirs of Nazi concentration camp survivor, Victor Frankl, in "Man's Search for Meaning", reflecting on his own discovery during moments of profound physical and psychological suffering that he could switch to an equally profound feeling of joy by focusing on love.

Oncologist Bernie Siegal, MD, wrote in his 1998 book, "Love Medicine and Miracles" about qualities he discovered in his cancer patients who survived and thrived, at a time when cancer was commonly a death sentence.  Dr. Siegal he began teaching all his patients to cultivate those characteristics, which were very much about choosing to focus their thoughts on healing, wellbeing and happiness! 

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In your milongas, what about all the people in the room who are in a good mood?  Notice them! Talk to them, hang out with them, dance with them.  Smile at the world, and avoid people who are grouchy. Don't pay any attention to their bad moods.  If you notice them think, "Oops!  Who's more fun to notice?"  

Let love radiate from you to the walls of the room.  If you're doing that you can't be self conscious.  You will feel so happy and you will attract the positive people, and the negative people won't want to be near you.  HA!

Play with this concept and see if it works for you!  

I'd love to hear your thoughts, everyone.  Please comment below.

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Do you have a question or a challenge in your tango that I can answer for you in our new, no-cost weekly program "Ask Helaine?" 

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  1. I found this very insightful, Once you reach your higher consciousness of yourself you will see that all positive things that you desire will come flowing into your life. You will have many positive experiences that will benefit you and less negativity. Look into the positive with others and your surroundings. Marsha

    1. Thank you, Marsha. I look forward to hearing how you apply this when you attend milongas!

    2. Your welcome Helaine! When I attend a milongas I reach out to other people
      It could be someone I am dancing with, or just enjoy other people who are there and have a great time with others.Make the best of every situation.