Tango and Masculinity

A businesswoman friend in Australia observed from our on-line discussions last week that I "nurture masculinity" through my work.  I had to reflect on that comment. 

I had begun to notice about 5 years ago in Italy how my one-on-one work with individuals in brief moments during my group tango classes gradually started building deep self-confidence in both men and women, especially around their sexual identities.  When I got back to my "homeland", the U.S., where I could teach and market in English, it was natural for me to want to deliberately focus on that gift I had developed, and it was much easier to do it here than it had been in Italy; I just feel freer in my own language and culture.  

* in the photo above: World-renowned Argentine Tango artist and teacher Oliver Kolker

Naturally, as a female teacher I can dance more intimately with men students; I know exactly what I want to feel from them and I help them    achieve it.  And so I've been able to really explore the transformation that these men experience as they study with me. And boy, - I mean, "man," - has this been gratifying!  I sometimes feel all this love pouring out to men everywhere who suffer quietly because this aspect of their natural self expression has been stifled in our civilization's effort to get rid of the macho garbage we wanted to weed out over the last four decades. And I'd venture that today thousands, if not millions, of men also suffer quietly because they are starving to receive loving feminine energy through intimacy, which in my opinion is their birthright.  

That's because the same is true for women: not only does a quiet, daily suffering result from the stifling of feminine sexual self-expression, but also a secret aching for loving masculine energy transmitted through intimacy (sexual or non). . . this can even occur in a loving relationship where the couple shares a busy, stressfull life. 

Imagine a fine, supportive, even affectionate relationship today, focused on supporting each other's careers, raising happy kids, and creating a nice home together.  But deep sexual expression may be lacking.  Often, married dates are to movies, theater, dinners with friends, charity events - the focus is always outward, not inside the couple.  Our mainstream culture doesn't provide a language with which to do that.

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Back to masculinity, I see my role as teaching men, by helping them master the manly art of tango, to feel confidently and abundantly masculine deep down, so that as each man expresses his unique self artistically, creatively and playfully to the music, he lovingly gives the women in his embrace the masculine energy that she so deeply desires. This in turn ignites and nourishes her womanly energy so that she, fully expressing herself in his arms through the womanly art of tango, gives her loving feminine energy to him.  And here we are, living a healthy and joyous yin-yang cycle of intimate sexual expression, by dancing artistic and sensual tango, whether it's with our spouse of many years, or with a stranger that we may never see again.  

The point of the "permission seduction" encounter in tango, as I call it, is not so much to achieve an outcome like finding a mate or rekindling a marital romance, though those are certainly potential benefits, but rather to allow us to fully express our sexual identities and get the oxytocin high that comes from beautifully bonding with our sexual opposite for the 12 minutes of a set of tangos.  

Italian yoga master Moreno Lupetti, a former mind-body mentor of mine, used to say something that I'll never forget.  I'll do my best to say translate his thoughts to English:  

"A cherry tree fulfills itself by producing cherries, even if it resides in a remote little cleft of a valley on a mountaintop, where no one ever passes to eat the fruit or enjoy the beauty of its springtime blossoms.  (And by the way, the cherry tree produces cherries without effort.  Making cherries is it's way of being.)  It is essential for us to do what we were each put on earth to do.  Denying the full expression of one's individual talents and gifts, whether or not they produce any measurable gains, inevitably causes illness."  In fact, Moreno, who had been trained by the late Indian master Baba Bedi, attributed every single physical disorder to the stifling of individual talents!

This isn't very different from the teachings of alternative health professionals, practitioners of energy-medicine or mind-body medicine, and self-help gurus like the great author and publisher Louise Hay (http://hayhouse.com, http://hayhouseradio.com), as well as visionary medical leaders like Deepak Chopra and my friend, student and teacher, Dr. Christiane Northrup http://www.drnorthrup.com/.

The understanding that illnesses and physical disorders are our body's way of alerting us, and sometimes screaming to us, that something is amiss in our expression of our true selves, led me to believe that repressing the full-expression of our sexual identities can cause diseases and disorders of our sexual organs. And conversely, joyous, complete self- expression surely promotes the good health of those organs. (This is an area for further investigation for which I have asked Dr. Northrup's help!)

I'll be talking more about this in the future.

So through my teaching of the art of tango, I believe I’m really nurturing intimacy and sexuality, in addition to masculinity.  And you can call me crazy, but I firmly believe that through my approach to teaching tango, I'm promoting the good health and prevention of disease of men's and woman's sex organs!

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Tangueros, want to get a sampling of my teaching?  Sign up for FREE and receive my 1-month e-course: "9 Surprising Tango Tips for Men" at http://permissionseduction.com.  It will be delivered right to your email inbox!

Frolicking at Club Sunderland

Often when I don't have evening lessons, I walk down to Pelican Bay's beach club at sunset for a glass of wine or a walk on the beach. I have my preferred table at the edge of the deck for gazing at the Gulf of Mexico, one of my favorite pastimes.  

Last week right after sunset, the unexpected sight of some black fins in the water caught my eye and I was startled.  Sharks? No! There were about six dolphins frolicking close to the shore.  I'd never seen dolphins in the Gulf before!  What a thrill that was.  No one noticed. I ran to the bar to tell some of my neighbors to turn around and look, and soon everyone on the patio was a delighted spectator. It was magical to watch.  One dolphin suddenly turned away and zoomed along the shoreline with alarming speed! Wahooo!! He stopped after about 30 yards and then calmly rejoined the others. I figured it was an adolescent male. ;)

Speaking of frolicking, since I haven't posted a nice "rose vine tango" (Villa Urquiza style) video for a few weeks, here's a little treat for you: It's Roberto Zuccarino and Samantha Dispari frolicking at Club Sunderland in Buenos Aires as they perform to the milonga "No Hay Tierra Como La Mia" by Francisco Canaro's orchestra.  (Warning: long introduction!)   11/13/11  OOPS! They made the video private!  I'll find you another.

For my readers who may be wondering, this is an improvisation.

Have fun, and please tell me what you think of it!

The lobster emerges from under the rock

Someone once described to me what he learned when he took his children to see a film about deep sea life: what happens when a lobster outgrows his shell. The lobster must writhe energetically and, it seemed, painfully, to break out of his too-small shell.  When he's broken free and wiggled out of it, he then must hide under a rock in his vulnerable state, until he grows enough of a new shell to protect him from predators, because a naked lobster would get gobbled up in an instant!  When he feels his new shell is solid, he ventures out and resumes his life, comfortable presenting his bigger self to the world!

Well, my friends, I figured out that I was going through my lobster-under-the-rock phase.  Last June I found myself working 12-15 hour days, between teaching, organizing, preparing for programs, and marketing.  I finally recognized that I was getting burnt out. I needed to rest - a lot!  I had fantasies of being taken to a sanitorium, a big white house on a lake with a green lawn and gardens, where nurses would feed me and some nice person would take me out in a rowboat, and I could wear clean pajamas every day.  Woooo! Wake-up call!!  No, I did not want to end up in that picture. 

During the 12-15 hour workday period this summer, I started working with a branding expert to try to redefine my brand promise and make a clear statement about my business. My earlier marketing claims, or definitions of my work, no longer felt right to me. I couldn't quite articulate what I really stood for, though I knew it was something really big.  I wrote dozens of exercises to try to find the right words.  I felt like I was in my 8th or 9th month of pregnancy, waiting for something to mature within me and finally come out!

I decided to stop doing everything that drained my energy.  I eliminated every activity that was time-consuming and unprofitable. I started to spend an hour a day at the poolside, meditating as I listened to the fountains.  Or walking down to the beach and watching the Gulf at sunset. (Actually, I took the tram for a while, because I was too exhausted even to walk the mile!) I vegged out on the lanai, enjoying the breeze. I got more sleep.  

Then something unexpected happened. Brilliant ideas started coming to me. Since I gave up my intermediate group classes that were, by popular demand, often focused on steps and patterns, my teaching moved to a deeper level. I was becoming more effective and my private students began to experience transformations. I became clear beyond a shadow of a doubt that through my teaching of the fine art of tango, I am fostering two things: genuine intimacy between man and woman, and the confident, spontaneous, creative expression of masculine and feminine sexuality.

Here's what one of my men students told me in a discussion about his new enjoyment of both greater intimacy with women through his tango, and the confident, creative expression of his masculinity:

Irv Fong, after 15 months of Argentine Tango lessons with Helaine.

I'll be writing more about this subject in the coming weeks.  I'm quite excited about the role I see my teaching playing in the lives of tango men and women here in Naples and around the world in "civilized" countries, where they have have been conditioned to stifle their natural, sexual expression for the sake of political correctness. I've even begun designing a long-distance learning program* (see below) so I can help greater numbers of people!

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* That program, my 6-month Online Home Study Program, Coaching Club, and VIP Private Coaching for men,  "Tango Improvisation Mastery™", has been live since January 2012!  Organized in practical weekly modules, it will give you (or tangueros you know) the inside scoop, from an expert woman's point of view, on how to dance tango more competently and confidently, and in such a way that women can't get enough of you!  

Find out more about it at http://tangoimprovisationmastery.com.